Tuesday, August 31, 2021

The Transformation of a Legend

 Waning Crescent Moon

Fresh from a passing grade on its biannual California State Smog Test, Spugly the Spectacularly Ugly Palomino Transporter has undergone subtle changes in its appearance and function. Gone is the $25 black plastic garage sale toolbox, which has been relegated to yard-junk storage status. In its place is a sleek plywood redneck tonneau with two coats of indoor/outdoor water-based black paint and assorted silver hardware items. As you can see in the featured photos, the redneck tonneau accentuates Spugly's streamlined, long-bed sex appeal and, for a mere $175 investment, it competes favorably with the high-priced fold-out tent platforms costing upwards of $3k.

One such fold-out tent platform company is called Tepui Tents, headquartered in Santa Cruz, CA, a hop. skip, and a tectonic plate boundary away from my camp. With a respectful nod to Tepui Tents, a fine and successful family business, I have decided to call my platform the Jimui Tonneau. Unlike a normal, bourgeosie tonneau, the platform of the Jimui is hinged in the middle, so the truck bed can be accessed more easily. Inside the bed's storage space, beside a necessary two-by-four twin I-beam support apparatus, I can fit my rolled up REI Half Dome tent, my loaded backpack, and whatever else I elect to take with me as I traipse across California dodging forest fires, belligerent gangs of recall morons, and other human-caused catastrophes. I don't need a full-blown campsite, just a level parking area in the mountains or on the beach, preferably one hundred miles away from the nearest drunken blowhard. 

Setting up the Half Dome on top of the Jimui Tonneau is simple and quick thanks to the shiny silver attachment hardware. A simple step stool allows me to safely and easily climb up and into my quarters which affords me quite the elevated, panoramic view from both of the wide, sidewall, no-seeum-proof netting entrances. In cold or wet weather, the rain fly can be utilized to stay dry and to avoid all but the most horrid of post-Apocalyptic flash flood events. 

All that is left now is a finishing touch of black Flex-Seal paint and I'll be off into the wilds to dream perchance to sleep on the redneckiest tonneau this side of Hoo-Haw, Arkansas. Stay tuned to subscribe to my Jimui Tonneau You Tube channel. Made in America.

Peace and Love From a Little Perch in Paradise,

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