I don't know how the term 'teetotaler' originated, but I believe that describes me (to a tee). I don't like the smell, taste, history, or effects of alcohol so I don't imbibe. Socially, that puts me at a disadvantage on days like today, when millions of Americans rush home or to a bar to get smashed in celebration of Cinco de Mayo. I just stay off the roads on days like this, make nachos, and drink limeade.
Oh by the way, I wonder how many people even know what they are
I went back to my superstar periodontist yesterday for a checkup on the old hole #3 implant. He pronounced me fit and fine and cleared me to resume eating solid foods. I have been restricted to soft stuff for the past week, which of course led me to abstain from chewing on meat. I stopped drinking coffee, too, while I was at it. Both decisions were good ones and I think I'll just keep on keepin' on. I will still eat eggs and dairy, so don't call me a Commie pinko vegan just yet. So far I have not been tempted to cross the road and graze in the neighbors' green pastures, so the cow thing is under control for now.
JoJo, my superstar dental assistant, told me that in time, the surrounding bone will assimilate the cow bone and replace it with my presumably human bone material. I'm not sure how that works physiologically, but it sounds to me very similar to the way petrified wood forms in the Earth. If you don't know how petrified wood forms or if you forgot, you can read about it here.
While I was in the neighborhood yesterday, I swung by Pacific Grove for a walk on the recreation trail to see some harbor seals and listen to the surf. My old cabin on Central Avenue is now a fancy condo about eight times bigger than the former place. And most likely eight times as expensive. There are lots of vacancies right on Oceanview Boulevard, possibly the most beautiful spot on Monterey Bay. If you would like to lease or buy one and you need somebody to protect your investment while you are inexplicably living somewhere else, you know how to reach me. I miss this place.
Think it over. You could have a dream vacation spot (for a couple million) and a tidy, sober, trustworthy placeholder-guardian-housesitter to boot (for free).
Viva la raza.
Peace, Love, and Designated Drivers,